chesneycat ([info]chesneycat) wrote,
@ 2007-11-22 08:33:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:miscarriage

Brushing off some old tags
It's official.

We're miscarrying baby #2.


Baby Hope wasn't with us for as long as the last one, and things looked precarious right from the start. I don't know that expecting these things makes them any easier to deal with though. Knowing what it's like, going through it at an earlier gestational age... these don't make things easier either, just different.

This is a time of year when thoughts naturally turn towards families, and giving thanks. Although we'll never meet our first two babies, they'll always be with us, and they've taught us so much.  I'm going to nick a quote from Bujold's Barrayar here: "Our children change us... whether they live or not."

This has been a year of change, grief, joy and growth.  I'm so much stronger than I used to be, and so is Jez. We're closer than ever, as well as being older and wiser.  And despite the pain, I feel incredibly blessed.

For the first time since April, I can truly hope again.


(Post a new comment)


[info]amishlurker
2007-11-22 11:44 am UTC (link)
Kath, I am so sorry to hear this. I know how difficult it must be when all around you people are talking about their new babies' accomplishments and the trials and tribulations of raising them. It's been many years since I miscarried and since then I have reared two healthy chldren, but still I wonder about that child, welcomed and anticipated so briefly and then let go so painfully and suddenly. I'm glad that you're taking this well (or as well as can be expected) and pray that you'll know joy.
*hugs*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]chesneycat
2007-11-22 02:55 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, it /can/ be hard dealing with new mums who don't seem capable of talking about anything else, but to be honest, I can't see myself acting any differently if I were in their shoes, and certainly can't blame them for complaining about everything they're going through. It's a tough job, and I don't imagine it's at all easy... and while I'd practically kill to have those kind of complaints, I've slowly learned to step back from it. Why on earth should the average mother /know/ how much it hurts for the infertile and those who've suffered losses to hear those things?

So yeah, that's one of the things I've learned. To step away, my only reaction a sad smile... it's rare that I even /think/ things like 'you ungrateful cow' any more, though I certainly did that far too frequently earlier this year.



I wouldn't change a thing, you know. It's not easy, but in time this, too, will pass. I can accept this, and I can wait, with more patience than I've ever possessed in the past.

The destination will be amazing, I know... but this longer journey has its own rewards.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]jhirat_dai
2007-11-22 03:40 pm UTC (link)
Hey Kath,

Don't know what to say, except to offer my sympathy and say I'm glad to see you're staying positive. I look forward to the day when I read your LJ and you're complaining about getting no sleep and the scandalous cost of nappies.

G

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]chesneycat
2007-11-22 03:58 pm UTC (link)
It'll be the cost of laundering those non-disposable eco-friendly ones.

One day.

*sob*

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]kailisu
2007-11-22 08:43 pm UTC (link)
I'm sorry, Kath.

(Reply to this)

[info]el_mcgruffle
2007-11-22 09:15 pm UTC (link)
*hugs. Fiercely*

If you want, you can adopt me. I'm adorable, house-trained and I come with a variety of strange friends!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]chesneycat
2007-11-23 07:49 am UTC (link)
That's a very sweet, very /scary/ offer. But the fierce hug is certainly very welcome.

Thanks.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]caerwyddyn
2007-11-23 02:27 pm UTC (link)
I've said my bit in an e-mail but thought some *Hugs* may help too...
C xx

(Reply to this)

[info]cerulinpangolin
2007-11-23 03:33 pm UTC (link)
Aw, Kath. *big zen hugs*

My heart aches for you, for the specific pain of this loss and the uncertainty of not knowing what may come to be in the future.

I hope they're figuring out if you have a specific issue that can be addressed to prevent future miscarriages, if it is a question of your body not supporting the pregnancy versus an problem with the baby's development. I have a cousin-in-law that went through at least 3-4 before they determined what was wrong; I think she was low on some essential hormone and with shots of it has been able to carry to term. And if you think it would be of value, I could find out the details for you.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]chesneycat
2007-11-23 04:02 pm UTC (link)
Thanks.

Strangely enough, I've just been discussing the exact same thing with a friend who's a trainee doctor/recurrent miscarriage research associate. One of the common causes is antiphosphol[ip?]id issues, which is rectified by aspirin and daily injections (possibly of heparin, though I may be confusing that with one of the treatments for a different cause of repeated m/c). I'm in a good position to get investigated, if I want to. Sheffield has one of the best clinics in the country for repeat miscarriages, and even after only two, with my history of infertility and the cluster of autoimmune issues in the family (the raised androgens of the PCOS and auto-immune links both raise the m/c risk), I could get referred to it pretty easily.

But... we're pretty certain that this was just one of nature's unlucky pregnancies. I was spotting from before I got the first positive, so I'm pretty sure we were dealing with a late implantation. The spotting eventually stopped, but in that situation you're looking at an embryo which should have been in place days earlier, and a lining which was already deteriorating. Poor thing never really had a chance. I think if this had been a few weeks later, I'd have insisted on the m/c clinic, but as things are I'm okay waiting for my next appointment with the specialist in early January. I'll certainly be pressing him on the idea of getting tested/referred to the m/c clinic when I see him, just not right away.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]camilov
2007-11-23 04:49 pm UTC (link)
Aw Kath, I'm so sorry.

*hugs*

(Reply to this)

[info]tekaranlady
2007-11-25 11:06 pm UTC (link)
I'm so sorry, Kath. *hugs*

(Reply to this)

Create an Account
Forgot your login?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…