Pic 'n' mix
Chesney was most amusing yesterday morning. I was sitting in bed with a hot water bottle on my tummy, and he decides he's going to join us. Being a cat, he locates the warm spot in all of four nanoseconds, but unfortunately a small and rather full hot water bottle doesn't make for the most stable of perches for an old and decrepit cat, even when it's covered by a duvet.
Especially not once I start laughing...
Anyway, it's been quite a busy weekend. I posted another chapter of Dragon Days on Saturday, and am trying to write the next one now. Not much progress, owing to lack of motivation. Over on FF.net, I'm getting hundreds of hits each week, and very, very few reviews (just one for the last two chapters). AMCF's the same, and while Bamy and Brenda have commented, even that isn't hitting the spot for me. Part of it is just me being an entitlement bitch, and part is me wondering if the story has slipped, if it's too big for people to care anymore, if I'm just becoming mediocre.
You see, this is why one should aim to be self-reliant. Write for yourself. Write to your own standards. The level of outside recognition has NO impact on the quality of what you've done, so why should you be bothered by it? Except, of course, I am. I'm slowly beginning to realise just how much influence by parents have had on my way of thinking about things, and while "Make us proud" is an incredibly liberating goal, the first moment any doubt sets in, it becomes a poisoned chalice. It's not what you do that's important, it's how the world will judge you for it. And it's not what you have achieved, it's what you can't. But that's who I am, I guess. And after living up to those standards long enough for them to become ingrained, well, that's why I take failure - no, wait Kath. The perception of failure - so personally. It's a flaw. But I'm working on it. And if that in itself isn't an example of me still perpetuating the same patterns of behaviour, I don't know what is.
Yesterday was good though. Jez's school fete was on Saturday (I know, it's a weird time of year for a fete, but that's just how they do things there), and we were both there for the whole day. The treasure map that I made for Jez last year was in use again - thank god for lamination! And our luck has turned... we broke even on the Deal or no deal stall, and won the guess the weight of the cake cake. We also came home with a bag of cheap books. I'm reading Myrren's Gift right now, and it's inspirational. If that piece of cliched dreck can get published, then dammit, so can I! It's quite fun spotting all the scenes she's culled/adapted from other books, and paying attention to the oh-so-obvious character development, or lack thereof. I think that's one to be given away at the gather. Sheesh, the gather! If a job's worth doing, do it yourself.
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chesneycat) wrote,
indescribable
