chesneycat (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} chesneycat) wrote,@ 2007-06-16 20:25:00 |
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| Entry tags: | friends, miscarriage |
Musings
As seen on another forum:
"I guess it's just really lonely to realize that pregnancy is such an open, public display and celebration, while the whole topic of m/c is such a closed, private pain. No one else walking down the street knows about my m/c. No one can tell by looking at me that some very important hopes and dreams died and slipped away at the first of the month."I still can't face ringing up a university friend of mine, El. I think her baby will have been born by now, or sometime in the next few weeks. I don't just want to congratulate her, I want to get back to being a proper friend. The last time we spoke was after christmas, when I rang to congratulate her on being pregnant, and inevitably I ended up having to explain to her WHY I was breaking down on the phone. I'm not sure I can face that again, or at least, not right now.
These aren't memories I want to rule my life, or to be the focus of everything I do.
But sometimes I feel as if society wants me to conceal them completely, to lock them away and perpetuate the taboo.
Neither choice works for me. I can't just abandon the meaning of what I've gone through. And I can't blithely throw my grief in everyone else's faces. I feel so guilty for not keeping in touch with these friends because of this, but isn't friendship a two-way street? Why should I be the one to make the first move, even knowing what it'll cost me in those first minutes of explanation.
Yeah, I know. If everyone only went half-way, no-one would ever meet in the middle. I have to do this. Just... not yet?
On the plus side, the bleeding stopped this week, and everything seems to be in working order. Hooray for small blessings.
