chesneycat ([info]chesneycat) wrote,
@ 2007-04-27 19:16:00
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Current mood: sad
Entry tags:miscarriage

Thanks
It's been barely more than 24 hours.

It feels a lot longer, of course, not helped by those hours awake from three in the morning 'til dawn.

The grieving goes on, and will do for some time. What helps, is the staggering knowledge that a scattered group of people across the globe seem to care about me, and understand. I know this has brought back bad memories for a lot of people, for my mother-in-law Chris, and for my godmother Lynne, and for all the others who've been through similar experiences. Debbie... any advice you'd be willing to share would be gladly accepted at this end.

Over here, well, we're beginning to get used to things. Acceptance has been relatively easy for me; I seem to be the only one who had an inkling that this was on the cards already. Not that that really helps, with my body still burning up with the conviction that I'm still pregnant. I'm opting for medical management - a course of anti-progesterone drugs, to get my body to gently shrug off the pregnancy. It seems a bit more respectful than the D&C option, but physically, it'll be harder on me. But I think the physical catharsis will help me and Jez grieve more easily, make it seem real... which it doesn't really, not yet.

That'll change, on tuesday.


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[info]spellwight
2007-04-27 08:27 pm UTC (link)
Ah honey. (I'm not a honey person, but in this instance it seems appropriate)

I've had three miscarriages, and three children. The only way I managed was to keep them all distant and medical and unemotional until I was safely past say, 10 weeks. I learned not to tell anyone or even think of it as a "baby" until then.

There's a reason this one didn't work for you. Maybe something was wrong with the fetus and you've been spared a lifetime of caring for a child with serious issues. Maybe it attached wrong and would have caused more pain later in the pregnancy. I dunno. Shit happens. This is nature's ugly do-over.

Emotion spirals into more emotion. Grieve if you need to but don't let yourself get into too much emotional flagellation. And next time don't tell anyone until you're past some imaginary safe point. The worst part for me was everyone comforting me for weeks on end and expecting some sort of breakdown. I wasted a lot of time and energy convincing everyone I was fine. Its easier when nobody (but your core family) knows.

Hugs and chin up.

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